What I do when I don’t know what to do…
It’s really weird.
I used to have all the answers.
And a grand master plan.
Wanna know what happened?
I got real. And life got really real.
I used to think I knew how my life would go-I had steps in mind to get me where I was going and a plan that everyone around me needed to subscribe to. Because it was my plan which meant it was good. And right. And perfect. Am I right? Are you with me?
And then, like it does, life kinda jumped out from around the corner the way my kids do to scare me when I’m walking down the hall. I’ve had twists and turns that have flipped me upside down and situations that have come up completely out of my control that required me to roll with the punches. Basically-you know how they say the way to make God laugh is to make plans? I’ve been the source of a lot of His laughter. #IPlanSoThatICanFunction
But I figured something out…
A concrete truth that just may save my life yet.
Are you ready for this?
Are you sitting down?
I don’t know everything.
I said it.
I DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING.
It’s not like I thought I knew everything, like rocket science and speaking Chinese are not in my wheelhouse of knowledge. But I was also raised to assume I was the smartest person in the room. The religion I grew up in also dictated that we were the only full truth in the world-so clearly I, by nature of being a member, must know everything (in my head…don’t get riled up my Mormon friends…that was the feeling I personally took from that concept). I operated from a place of knowing what should happen in my life, in my childrens lives and in the lives of people around me. So as life started to play out more fully and more complicated in my thirties imagine my surprise when my best laid plans were continuously being disrupted. Like repeatedly. In unnaturally repetitious ways. It was then that I made peace with not knowing everything and found myself struggling at the thought of what to do when I don’t know what I’m “supposed” to do.
I have found myself at this familiar crossroad lately-this fork in the road if you will-where what I am I “supposed” to do really just depends on what I decide that is. I’ve been here before and I’ll be here again. It has to do with not being sure about the future and everything to do with being sure there’s more out there in store for me, for us, for our family. I know where I want to go, I know the kind of human beings I want to raise, I know the life I want to live and the man I want to live it with but when it comes to eating an elephant I also know I need to attack it one bite at a time rather than ignoring it like I would prefer to do.
So what do I do?
I do the next right thing. And by that I mean the next correct thing in my path that feels right to me, not the “next best thing”. It’s overwhelming when I look at the path I want to take and feel unsure about the whole journey but there’s a manageability to the concept of just doing the next singular right thing. When I look at what I CAN do next and just do THAT I feel empowered and hopeful. I don’t need to know it all, I don’t need to know the whole road map, I just need to make one little step in the direction that feels right. The relief that comes from making that one small step more often than not leads to a momentum of many steps and the path clears as I go.
So I’ll do what I did last time I was here.
I’ll do the next right thing.
I’ll take the next step I see that feels good and right to me.
I won’t worry so much about the entire road,
Just the next turn.
Last time I did it I ended up right where I needed to be.
I think it’s time to do it again!
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